I'm just so damn pissed off! i cant believed that i was so damn pissed off that i threw ma hp on da ground twice. I cant stand it anymore everyone is depending on me to do everything from teaching them, packing their bag, doing this and doing that.... You know its not ma job! Wads a maid and tution teacher for? For you just to spend your money and heck care? Its not ma responsibility you know! I really cant stand it anymore! What do you take me for? MAID? Freak you and go to hell!
Think of all the things i've done and what have i asked in return. Even for da simplest things like showing love and concern to me i never onced asked for it. 13 years of ma life i've been spending my days, weeks,months,years with nannie and you never onced stayed with me. Ever since you met the BITCH you left me alone to cry in my little corner. Ask yourself when you left and when did you come back... if you cant remember here's to help you recall... you left when i was not even 1 and you came back to me 13 years later.
i know the reason why you came back in my life cause i'm now all grown up and you can depend on me. I didn't come here to stay with you and be your maid you know! If i had a chance to go back to the life i was living, i rather go back and not deal with this pain. I don't know why you can spend so much money on them and not me. I'm was the only child when you and mom were together but now since both of you are not. You brought a BITCH into my life thinking that she can bring me up like her own child. You know how much i hate it when other people interfere in my life and you know how angry i can get when it happens. I choose not to get angry because i knew you and mom could never go back to da past again.
i'm not the little girl i used to be daddy... i'm 15 and i have my own life with my own problems and here you are adding more and more to it. I cant understand why you're doing this to me. You say its for my own good but have you ever thought of how much pain seeing you give them the love i never once had. You showed them all the love they can ever get but how about me? I'm just a like a cloth which is only used when you need to use it and when you don need it, you'll just throw it to one side. i tried my best to study when i was younger but you just didn't show me da care and love i need and so i eventually gave up on myself. Thats why i'm the girl i m now.
I really did try very hard to do my best but everytime i failed, i just gave up and what did you do? NOTHING! You never once said to me" good job, keep up the good work, dont give up." Everytime i failed to do something, you'll just give me that look and turn away. You know how hurting it is? And everytime when i was feeling sad there was no one there for me to talk to, to hug and have a shoulder to cry on. You weren't there for me and i know deep down you'll never be there for me. So i've learned just to keep it to myself and cry to myself den go to sleep and hope that everything will be ok da next day. For years i've been living in this lie of everything will be ok but now i know its not. If everything would be ok, you and mom would be together, this family wouldn't have fallen apart, i'd be getting all the love i needed... so you see its not gonna be ok.
i know you've never cared for me cause i was the one holding you down when you could have had fun. i was the responsibility you had to take. The only person who has ever cared for me was mom and nannie.. they showed me the love but in a different form cause this broken family could go nowhere. Nannie is the only one who really cares about me. Mom has been trying to show me the love i need but that love never seems to be enough cause its missing you. She gave me all the things i wanted and what i longed for. She made me a little princess girl where she'd be by my side 24 hours. I never wanted that kind of life but i had no choice. Please don't take me for someone who you can push around cause i'm not your maid... i'm just a girl who wants her family back and nothing more.
-ciia-
