Sometimes i really wonder why all this happened and why is it all so damn fucked up. I though life always has its balance of ups and downs but why do i usually get more downs than ups while others are having more ups than downs? This is so not right like i'm not balanced or something. For the past few weeks i've always been lying in bed thinking about all this and why it all happened. Did i take one wrong step that practically change my whole life or is it just me cos i'm always jumping to conclusions.
The thought of just falling asleep and never wake up just rings in my head and its so frustrating. One problem after another and its like so out of the question. Sometimes i wish i were dead or stranded on some island in the world with no freaking problem to deal with. Just the thought are enough to kill me like a knife piercing through my god damn body. My thoughts and feelings are all shuffled up like in an ipod shuffle where you don't know what song's gonna play next. That's how i feel and its so sucky and yucky.
What if i didn't take that wrong step? Would i be in this position or leading a better life than all this shit here? I've just got too many questions to ask but who's gonna answer them for me? I don't wanna sit here and wait for the answers to come flying pass me or whatever shit.I've been waiting for the answers for the pass 14 years of my life and did i get my answer? NO! What's the use of waiting for somethings when you know you'll never gert it. Life really has a way to bring us down huh... all these while you think you were doing just fine than something happens and you know it was a lie.
I've enough lying to myself already. I think its just a waste of my time, hopes, wishes and dreams. I know people always say that 'you have to fall then only you can stand up again.' But what if you've fallen many times and you just cant stand on you two feet again? There's only two things i guess you can do. One is either stand up and try again or just sit there and cry... I try to stand many times and walk but i just kept falling and falling and falling. I fell so many times that i just cant be bothered to stand up and try to walk again.
But i did do one thing when i stood up before i fell for the last time and that is to put him behind all the memories and the past we once shared and i'm happy for that. I was happy for i was walking again but just as the happiness of mine was to begin, i fell hard and hit the ground that bruised me a little and it hurts.... mayb i just wanna sit on the ground and cry for awhile and then give myself a thought of standing up again and trying to walk.
