I guess there are many a times when we think that its totally over but when we really sit down and think we come to realize that its not. Yan's right when he blogged about saying that there are too many "what ifs and maybes". I always ask myself what if i did this or said that then maybe things would be different but then i do a reality check and i come to my senses again which tells me that its over already and no point telling or asking myself this over and over again when i already know the answers to every single one of my questions. Sometimes i just don't understand why things happen like this or why i did that or say all those words which i never really meant. I hate myself for being like this but yet at the same time it kinda helps me get thru whatever is being thrown at me.

Its been three months and here i am again sitting on my bed and blogging about you. I made a promise to someone that I'll try not to think but apparently promises are made to be broken. I'm really sorry i couldn't keep my promise. I try really hard to move on and forget but it seems so hard. Every week i party, enjoy and waste my life away trying to be "happy" but the at the end of each week or so i just break down because the memories i have at the back of my mind will just hit me like a rain drop falling from the sky. I think back of when we used to be friends and how you always comfort and made me happy in every way you could think of and how we progressed from being friends to lovers. "I know its hard to love me but sometimes its hard to love you too" The memories we share and build together is something which no one can understand or feel cos they've not experienced it like how you and me did. I seriously don't know why I'm feeling this and i really hope for all of it to go away because i know that you and me can never be together again after all that has happened.

So many people have been telling me things like "maybe he's seeing someone new, maybe he's giving you a taste of your own medicine" i admit that i do agree with them but one part of me feels differently about that. I don't want to say what is that feeling or what I'm thinking for that cos you and i know what it is. I try so hard to hold back these tears tonight by controlling it, forcing and telling myself that its over and i can never have it back but then like i always say "theres a limit of everything and everyone" and so i guess i reached that limit and i crashed. When i say i crash i really mean crash to an extend for crying non-stop for two whole hours. I'm not saying this for you to take pity on me or anything but i want an answer and i want you to know how i feel. You act so nonchalant to every single thing that I'm doing, saying and feeling. You see, hear and know everything that is happening in my life like me screwing it up but you have to be the bad guy who comes along and make it worst by messaging me, being all nice, mushy and loving and then walk away.

I try to think and understand why your doing this to me but i cant seem to figure it out cos your so hard to "predict" and "read". Two weeks after all those messages and that feeling still lingers within me its like i don't want to get out of that comfort zone. I miss you i really do and i am still hoping that you will forgive me after all that I've said and done. I know its not an easy thing to decide but i want a defiant answer and not half answers questions or should i say false hopes. You know i'm very emotional and i think alot even though theres really nothing to think. I can not and don't want to lose my only pillar of strength because i am crashing real बाद. I am tired and worned out.

इ'म सॉरी सॉरी ऎंड इ होप यू'ल फोर्गिवे मी।
इ लोवे यू