Why does everyone have to lie to me? I feel like a total fool to keep walking into the wall when I've already walked into it like a dozen times and i know how the pain feels like time and time again. I keep telling myself "do not walk into the wall. do not walk into the wall" but somehow I'll just walk into the wall. It feels as though I'm been on my feet for the whole week and everything's going so fast and i cant catch up. I'm so tired and i want to sit down to take a rest but i know if i were to sit down and rest I'm just going to crash again and i don't want that to happen. Things are happening too fast for me to catch up and the only i can catch up with is the aftermath and the pain. It feels as though pain is slowing down for me and letting me catch up with it. I've said this so many times and I'm tired of saying it again and again but this is the feeling I'm feeling/having right now.

I feel as though there's no one there anymore and things will never be the same again. The people i trust so much are breaking my trust now and its so hard to believe whatever is being said and going on. I try to think what did i say or do to make things and everyone like this and i cant figure out why. One by one everyone is leaving and i find myself here sitting alone having to deal with all this crap which isn't true at all. I need a shoulder to cry on but i don't even have it i don't even have someone who i can trust to talk to and listen. Everything I've ever had is gone like the wind and it sucks big time.

I'm starting to hate myself alot. 2008 is in a few days time and i feel like crap. I thought 2007 would be the best year after a shitty year i had in 06 but somehow i feel its about the same. I'm going thru the same pain over again but this time the pain is double than what i felt last year. I've lost so many people i love and I'm freaking tired to try to make things right again with everyone. I'm gonna give up on everything because its just no use anymore.


I MISS YOU